Leisegang www.domanus.net
Der Onkel macht nur Spaß...
Wahre Stories



Auch das Abtreten von diesem schnöden Erdenball will möglichst aufwendig gestaltet sein. Schließlich soll der Nachwelt beim Denken an den teuren (!) Verstorbenen eine gewisse Gefühlsregung aufgedrängt werden. Die Bandbreite kann hierbei vom amüsierten Schmunzeln bis zu ewigem Hass oder Brechdurchfall reichen.
Also nicht lange gefackelt (hi, hi), des Sarges letzte Ruhestätte soll von prunkvollen Texten geschmückt sein (im folgenden meine Hilfestellung)!

Eine wunderschöne Verknüpfung zwischen dieser Seite und den Witzischen NamenTM stellt übrigens der Song 'Todesanzeigen' von Norbert & die Feiglinge dar...

"Wer den Schnaps so liebt wie ich, / wird es bereuen, bitterlich! / Noch trank ich Schnaps beschwingt und munter, / da zerrt der Tod ins Grab mich runter." (von Dumitru Pop-Tincu)

"This one's on me" (aus "Eric the Unready")

"Francois the Gravedigger / Hooray my brave boys, let's rejoice at his fall / For if he had lived he'd have buried us all."

"The jester joked his life away / Until a quip he made one day / Insulted was a Baron's son / Who had this poor old jester hung."

"Here lies a man who feared all bugs / Too scared even to lift his rugs / For if he had, he would have found / The insects that make little sound / With bites so deadly for their size / That surely did cause his demise."

"We may have years, we may have hours, / but sooner or later we push up flowers."

"Owin Moore / Gone away, owing more, than he could pay."

"I came here to die / Not to make a speech!"

"We must all die / there is no doubt / Your glass is running... mine is out"

"Poems and Epitaphs are but stuff / Here lies Zed Blacksword / That's enough"

"This tombstone is a Milestone / Hah! How so? / Because beneath lies MILES / Who's MILES below"

"This spot is the sweetest I've seen in my life / For it raises my flowers and covers my wife"

"Here doth lie on John Fry / Hit in the eye socket / by a falling sky rocket"

"Here lies Kelley / We buried him today / He lived the life of Riley / When Riley was away..."

"Here lies Dave Jordan / His last words were a shame / 'There's a light at the end of the tunnel'.../ Unfortunately it was a train"

"Here lies Bryan Wilkinson / The doc said he'd be 'alright' / Guess doc was all wrong"

"Learn the living from the dead / How easy breaks life's tender thread"

"Grim death took him / Without any warning / Well at night / Dead in the morning"

"Here lies Geoff Upton-Rowley / I can see up your skirt"

"Here lies Charles / Had six guns / Needed seven / Now he is in heaven"

"Jeffrey Bottom / His wife was constantly scolding and scoffing / So he sought for repose in a 12 coin coffin"

"Here lies Scott Jacobson / Who came upon an evil lich / He didn't even think to run / And ended up in this ditch"

"Here lies Sissie Chang / Fumbled a grenade / Went out with a bang"

"Many a heart by sorrow pressed / Doth envy me my peaceful rest"

"Klecks der Gärtner / Hier liegt der alte Klecks, / Es raffte ihn dahin. / Er trank sein Unkraut-Ex, / Verdünnte es mit Gin."

"Here lies Gilles. / Used no net / knew no fear / made mis-step / wound up here"

"A bard, of sorts, with skill in rhyme and reason made the words come clear. / He gladly wrote for all to hear and therein lies the rub, my friends. / He set his start too far from ends, so 'less is more' or go unread. / A lesson learned. Too bad I'm dead. / Lukas K."

"There once was a man named Don, / who fell asleep out on his lawn. / They thought he was pretending to be dead, / then a tombstone fell on his head. / And now Don is long gone."

"I was Nashkel born and Nashkel bred / and here I lay Nashkel dead! / Dave H."

"Here lies Arnel. / 'You should see the other guy.'"

"Stanger, tread this ground with gravity. / Dentist Mark B. is filling his last cavity."

"In Memory of Little Chris Wood: Here lies one Wood enclosed in wood, / one Wood within another. / The outer wood is very good, / though we cannot praise the other."

"Here lies Butch, we planted him raw. / He was quick on the trigger, but slow on the draw."

"Sir John Strange / Here lies an honest lawyer, and that is Strange."

"The children of Israel wanted bread, and the Lord sent them Manna, / old clerk Wallace wanted a wife, and the Devil sent him Anna."

"Here lies Donnie Cornwell, good and dead. / In an extra large coffin to fit his extra large head."

On a factory boss' grave: "Get to work, you maggots!"

"I told you I was sick."

The original story was that someone found this on a tombstone buried deep in the grass. Upon pushing the grass aside, he read:
"Pause, stranger, when you pass me by, / For as you are, so once was I. / As I am now, so will you be. / Then prepare unto death, and follow me."
Pushing the grass aside a bit more, he found the following scratched on the stone, done with a crude instrument:
"To follow you I'm not content / Until I know which way you went!"

"Assuming my death has occurred / And five doctors have concurred../ Please REVIVE me! / If you can get no breath / Take the person who caused my death / and bury them right beside me."

"Ope'd my eyes / Took a peep. / Didn't like it / Went back to sleep."

"We all have a debt / To nature due / I've paid mine / And so must you."

"Here under this sod, and under these trees / Is buried the body of Solomon Pease / But here in his hole lies only the pod, / His soul is shelled out, and gone up to God."

"Here lies as silent clay / Miss Arabella Young. / Who on the 21st of May, / Began to hold her tongue."

"Grim death took me / without any warning. / I was well at night, / and dead in the morning."

"Here Lies Lester Moore / Shot 4 times with a .44 / No Less / No More"

"He looked for gold / and died of lead poison"

"Here lies the bones of Private Jones / For whom War held no terrors. / A private then, a private now / No runs, No hits, just errors."

"Here's to Johnny quite a guy / Very sad he had to die / All was well could not be better / Till he wrote my girl a letter."

"Wherever you be, / Let your wind go free. / For holding it in, / Was the killing of me."

John Penny: "Reader if cash thou art / In want of any / Dig 4 feet deep / And thou wilt find a Penny"

"Reader pass on and ne'er waste your time, / On bad biography and bitter rhyme / For what I am this cumb'rous clay insures, / And what I was, is no affair of yours."

"Here lies the body of Susan Lowder / Who burst while drinking Seidlitz powder; / Called from this world to her heavenly rest / She should have waited till it effervesced."

William Shakespeare: "Good frend for Jesus sake forbeare, / To digg the dust encloased heare! / Blest be the man that spares thes stones, / And curst be he that moves my bones."

"Who was fatally burned / March 21, 1870 / by the explosion of a lamp / filled with 'R.E. Danforth's Non-Explosive Burning Fluid'"

"Born 1903--Died 1942 / Looked up the elevator shaft to see if the car was on the way down. / It was."

"Here lies old Rastus Sominy / Died a-eating hominy / In 1859 anno domini"

"Open, open wide ye golden gates / That lead to the heavenly shore, / Our father suffered in passing through / And mother weighs much more."

"Here Lieth W.W. / Who never more will / Trouble you, trouble you."

W.C. Fields: "On the whole, I'd rather be in Philadelphia."

Look what Byron did to Castlereagh: "Posterity will ne'er survey / a nobler grave than this: / Here lie the bones of Castlereagh: / Stop, traveller, and piss."

"The body of B. Franklin, Printer / (Like the Cover of an Old Book / Its Contents torn Out / And Stript of its Lettering and Gilding) / Lies Here, Food for Worms. / But the Work shall not be Lost; / For it will (as he Believ'd) Appear once More / In a New and More Elegant Edition / Revised and Corrected / By the Author."

"Here lies / Ezekial Aikle / Age 102 / The Good / Die Young"

"Here lies the body / of Jonathan Blake / Stepped on the gas pedal / Instead of the brake"

"She always said her feet were killing her but nobody believed her."

"Here lies the landlord Tommy Dent / In his last cosy tenement."

"Here lies the body of Martha Dias, / Who was always uneasy, and not over pious; / She lived to the age of three score and ten, / And gave that to the worms she refused to the men."

"Sacred to the memory of Anthony Drake / Who died for peace and quietness sake; / His wife was constantly scolding and scoffin; / So he sought for repose in a twelve-dollar coffin."

"Here lie I, Master Elginbrod, / Have mercy on my soul, O God. / As I would have if I were God, / And thou were Master Elginbrod."

"On the 22nd of June / Jonathan Fiddle / Went out of tune"

"Life is a jest, and all things show it; / I thought so once and now I know it."

"The defense rests"

"Once I wasn't / Then I was / Now I ain't again."

"Here lies the body of our Anna / Done to death by a banana / It wasn't the fruit that laid her low / But the skin of the thing that made her go."

"Here lies the body of Thomas Kemp / Who lived by wool and died by hemp"

Epitaph on Elizabeth, L.H.:
"Would thou hear what man can say / In a little? Reader, stay. / Underneath this stone doth lie / As much beauty as could die; / Which in life did harbor give / To more virtue than doth live. / If at all she had a fault, / Leave it buried in this vault. / One name was Elizabeth; / Th'other, let it sleep with death: / Fitter, where it died, to tell, / Than that it lived at all. Farewell."

"Here lies the body of Jonathan Tilton / Whose friends reduced him to a skeleton. / They robbed him out of all he had / And now rejoice that he is dead."

"18 years a maiden / 1 year a wife / 1 day a mother / Then I lost my life."

"Here lies / Johann Yeast / Pardon me for not rising."

"I started out in life with the idea / That the world had an opening for me. / And it did."

"Beneath the stone, a lump of clay / Lies the man called Peter Hannels / Who early in the month of May / Took off his winter flannels."

"Let this stone bear this headline: / The writer below met one last deadline."

"At rest beneath this slab of stone / Lies stingy Bernard Wyatt. / He died one morning just at ten / And saved the dinner by it."

"It was a cough that carried him off, / It was a coffin they carried him off in."

"Here lies Lotta Dust."

"This stone was raised by Frieda's Lord / Not Frieda's virtues to record, / For they are known to all the town. / This stone was raised to keep her down."

"Here lies an atheist. / All dressed up and no place to go."

"Here lies the body of Erica Bent. / She kicked up her heels and away she went."

"Stephen and Taim are now both even. / Stephen beat Taim, now time beat Stephen."

"Die Witze, die er sagte, / Die Hasen, die er jagte, / Die leben alle noch."

"Mein Weib deckt dieser Grabstein zu,/ Für ihre und für meine Ruh."

"Tränen können sie nicht mehr lebendig machen;/ Darum weine ich."

"Von aller Last befreit ruht Anna Lentner;/ lebend wog sie fast drei Zentner, / Gott gib ihr in Ewigkeit/ nach ihrem Gewicht die Seligkeit."

"Hier ruht der liebe Arzt, Herr Frumm/ Und die er heilte rings herum."

"Ein treues Herz und zwei fleißige Hände haben aufgehört zu schlagen."

"Hier liegen meine Gebeine,/ Ich wollt es wären Deine."

Als weiterführende Lektüre zu empfehlen: Enno Hansings thematisch gleich gelegenes Buch.


Nach oben
Inhalte und Layout: © 2002-∞ Marc Leisegang